User blog:Seieireppa/Just a few things

I do like God Eater. That much should be obvious.

But I've come to realize that part of that, a very large part, is me using GE as a crutch, as a means to give my life some consistent factor, a beacon of stability in an otherwise uncertain life. When I play GE—rather, WHILE I'm playing GE—I don't have to worry about whether I'll succeed in a musical career, or whether I'll be able to complete some assignment on time, or if I'll be able to get a job, because in that moment, GE is all that matters.

Plus, I've taken to GE as the only way I can objectively compare myself to others. Whether or not I'm a better composer than so-and-so, for example, doesn't matter when I play GE. It's why I've dedicated myself to being the absolute best, to becoming so good that I can say that I'm the best, because I want to be able to at least have that for myself as an objective measure of my own worth.

For the most part, GE isn't even fun anymore. I've long since reduced GE to a numbers game, focusing only on how to eliminate the target in the absolute most efficient way possible. There's no joy there. When I talk about GE to my fiancee, I don't even do it with the same level of enthusiasm as I do when talking about, say, Fist of the North Star or JJBA. GE has become nothing but a cold science, and outside of fanfic, I have no real investment in it.

And that's not healthy. I've come to realize this. It's just not healthy.

Which is why, once I've completed GER 110%, I'm done for a good long while with GE. I'll still play every once in a while, and of course I'll still contribute regularly to the wiki, but after I'm done with GER, I'm setting GE aside for the very foreseeable future. I need to force myself to face my issues, to face the world around me, and more importantly, to face myself.

Thank you all for being there for me, and for standing by me through my time playing GE, from the time I only barely defeated the Magatsu Kyuubi to where I can now brutalize the Crimson Orochi in under a minute. It's been a long run, and a fun one for most of it.

You can rest assured that for the duration of my time with GER until the last update rolls around, I'll be dedicating my heart and soul into discovering everything GER has to offer and updating this wiki accordingly. I want nothing more than to give back to this community that has given so much to me. But after that... I'll be setting GE aside (for the most part) and looking towards the future, facing myself without a crutch to lean on.