User blog:Warden-Cypher/God Reaper Burst - Chapter 10 - The Oath and the Promise

I close the book i was reading and sigh, looking at the ceiling.

Sakaki gave me this one when i told them about my problem. He says poetry and philosophy will give a better answer than science.

But so far, i have not found any answer. Not written black on white on a page, that is.

I jump out of my bed. The time is up.

I get on the elevator. Soma's here and give a quick glance in my direction.

We arrive on the lounge without exchanging a word. There is no need.

The others are here.

I quickly grab some items, then head out. I barely glance in their direction.

I can't look at Alisa without feeling this pain, and i must concentrate.

We'll have time for this later.

Somehow, i want this 'later' to never happen. But there is no turning back now.

The pair of Chi-you was annoying to battle, but we made it. Slowly, the 1st Unit is regaining its merit.

I extract one of the core, then give the signal to head back. I wait that Kota and Soma are ahead to say: "Alisa...you have a moment?"

She turns back at me: "Of course. What is it?"

I show the carrier overlooking Aegis Island, long in the distance. We walk towards the edge in silence.

Every step feels as if i'm carrying thousands of tons of stone on my back. I see nothing of the beautiful yet tragic scenery around us.

It has to be done.

I stop and finally say: "Have you ever read Loveless?"

She reply that she hasn't, and i recite: "My friend, do you fly away now? To a world that abhorres you and i?"

I look at Aegis Island and add: "All you seek is a somber sorrow. No matter where the winds may blow."

I let silence falls once again, and she asks: "It seems a sorrowful story."

"It is."

Silence falls yet again. I must gather all of my will to say what i'm about to say.

"Long ago, i made an oath. Thousands of miles from here, on a broken earth, among the corpses of my brethren."

I look at her. She seems a bit at loss, but is listening to me.

"I failed them. My family, my friends. Every single one. They all died, and i survived."

I raise my arm, looking at my Control Unit.

"From that day on, i vowed that i would make up for that, by finding an honorable death. That i would not rest until my selfishness and cowardice would be repaid."

I sigh, touching instinctively my knife, straped to my belt as usual.

"Skyreaper became my identity. It is both my pride and my punishment. A reminder of my debt, and of my impending fate."

She seems about to reply something, but let me continue.

"That is why i joined the Gods Eater. I have no other purpose, apart from my death and that of the Aragamis...or so it was."

I look at her surprised face and add:

"Until recently, i never doubted about my path. But you made me question my oath."

She smiles sadly. I finally manage to say what has pained me for these past few days, the reason of my conflict:

"You are the finest woman i've ever met, perhaps the only human being i've cared about since a long time. But it can never be."

Her eyes are tearful, and she asks: "Why not?"

"I can't bring you the happiness you deserve. There is only misery and death in my life. I cannot inflict this upon anyone, let alone you."

She looks down, and i add:

"But i wanted you to know that i care about you. More that i'm allowed to. I am sorry."

I turn back and walk toward the base, with my heavy heart feeling lighter as i wash away the pain with a new resolution.

I will die. That much i know. But it will be a death to be remembered.

I'll take out as many as i am able to before falling.

Memento Mori

For one day soon, i'll join you all in the grave, seated atop a mountain of corpses.

I'll make the Gods tremble, as the Reaper close in to take their lives.

Alisa looked upon the back of the man known as Skyreaper, walking towards the base without a look behind.

It was the first and only time she saw so much pain in his eyes. She understood that it was as much a pain to talk about his past, than it was to say the words he had.

And yet.

For all he seemed to deny, she was certain there was a call for help in his confession.

There is no use living for the dead.

That much, she knew. And hearing him say that she was the only human being he seemed to care about brought her joy.

Yes, it was selfish. But it was proof she was able to feel.

And by definition, to live.

She would not see him die. Not another one to leave her behind. His honor and pride may be hurt, but it would be a small price to pay.

I won't leave it like this.

He had saved her, after all. It was her turn to repay the debt.

There, under the dusk that showered the remnants of an age long past, she made a promise.

"I will not let you die to atone for a crime you haven't comitted."