User blog:One-Eyed Serpent/Never Stand Alone (ARC 2) - Chapter 4 - It's Best That I Leave

“How many?”

Those two words, despite being said in an even, almost paternal voice, made me want to break the Terminal and leave, never to call again.

He wasn’t judging me, but rather sympathetic, even sad for me! That fact scared me, and I hate being scared.

But even then, I found myself answering, out of respect. “A total of 13, sir.”

Licca drew in a sharp intake of breath, and I couldn’t fault her for it. 13, after all, was a lot. I just watched her as she excused herself to give me privacy with Amamiya-san, and her lack of presence both made me relax and far more nervous. I don’t know which feeling was winning out.

“And how old are you?” I turned back to the man who still spoke in that even voice of his, not a trace of disgust (which would have been understandable) or fear (much more understandable, I did just kill 13 people) in his tone. If anything, he was trying to calm ''me. ''If I remember right, in this kind of situation it should be the other way around. “You don’t look any older than 23, if I have to guess.”

And you’ll be right. “I’ve recently turned 20.” I answered.

“Young, and way younger than myself when I did those too…” Amamiya-san now had a far away expression, and a regretful glint appeared in his eyes. “As Leader of my Squad, I was picked to do those. I hope your superior coerced you into this; I’d be more than happy to have them booted off Fenrir.”

I smiled slightly at the attempt at humor, though I knew it fell short when Amamiya-san only fixed me with a serious look.

“No, sir, I willingly accepted.” Make sure your voice is flat, don’t give anything away, be neutral-

“Just call me ‘Lindow’, ‘sir’ makes me feel older than I am,” He said with a small chuckle. “So, willingly, eh? I trust you have a good reason for that. You don’t look like the, eh, psychopaths they show on movies and stuff.”

Good, keep up the façade, you’re doing well. “I accepted for the sake of my squad, sir. My Captain is deemed a poor candidate for the job; he is too emotional. Another squad mate of mine, the second to join, had past trauma that immediately puts him out of the question. Three are newbies, two of them never been faced with death. The one is professional, yes, but she had a strict code of hers. The transferee we have is traumatized also by doing the same thing to his superior.” I explained, all with a straight face. I took a breath, releasing it at the same time as I answered. “So that leaves me. I’m not bothered with the concept, and it’s better that my superior chose my hands to be dirtied than theirs. I had no complaints.”

Amamiya-san was nodding as I concluded my impromptu report, a thoughtful expression on his face.

“The way you suddenly closed off while you spoke is proof of your ability to do so,” Amamiya-san agreed, bringing his… armored hand to scratch at his chin. “I believe you. But I need to ask; how are you not bothered by the killing?”

“Death has always been the end game for every single thing; merely a matter of how, when or why.” I replied. “And I’m always comforted by the fact that if death to those who are Infected comes from me, it’ll be swift. No more hurting.”

Amamiya-san scratched his head, pulling a face. “Ehh, are you sure you’re 20? You talk like someone older than me. Kids and their vocabulary… But anyways,” He looked at me straight in the eye, and I didn’t look from that single green eye of his. “If you are apparently fine, how is your squad taking it? I’m assuming that if you have no problem, then it’s them.”

<p class="MsoNormal">I nodded. Well, Licca had let it slip in her outburst earlier. “Poorly, Lindow-san,” I said. “I don’t blame them, though. They did just find out the booklet where I kept the names and information on the one I was sent to assist. I don’t think they understood the phrase ‘taking one for the team’.”

<p class="MsoNormal">Silence fell, and I was accustomed to it by now that I wasn’t bothered, just simply letting my mind wander.

<p class="MsoNormal">Is this really a good idea? This man – Amamiya-san – isn’t reacting like a normal person should. He’s taking this too well. Does he really understand? Could he really help me? Or was he simply trying to uncover more from me so I could be taken off duty?

<p class="MsoNormal">“Hm, this is more serious than I thought. I’ve only heard about guys who take the job then quitting duty altogether afterwards, but this is something else.” Amamiya-san decided, a serious look in his eye whilst his face remained open and inviting. What a dangerous man. “I’ll head on over there as soon as I’m free so we could talk proper-“

<p class="MsoNormal">“NO!” I yelled the denial more forcefully than intended, and at the surprised, wide-eyed look Amamiya-san gave me had me hastily back tracking. “I-I mean, you shouldn’t worry about it, Lindow-san. Licca just wanted me to talk to someone-“

<p class="MsoNormal">“Ah-ah-ah, but I remember her saying ‘talk and help’.” He beamed at me brightly while I could merely stare in incomprehension. Why… is he willing to help? “Advice could only do so much, ya know.”

<p class="MsoNormal">“… Why?”

<p class="MsoNormal">“Hm?”

<p class="MsoNormal">“Why are you helping? And please don’t use Licca-san.” I was honestly and truly curious.

<p class="MsoNormal">“I want to!” The man was smiling, for all I know he looked happy about it.

<p class="MsoNormal">“What.”

<p class="MsoNormal">Amamiya-san shook his head. “Look, kid-“

<p class="MsoNormal">“Ryuuka Izanami, sir.”

<p class="MsoNormal">“Ah, sure, Luka-kun-“

<p class="MsoNormal">“Ryuuka-“

<p class="MsoNormal">“Ryuuka-kun, ahem, I’m doing this because of multiple reasons,” He said as he held up a finger, on his left hand. “One; you’re too young, and you’re already taking on jobs adults should do.”

<p class="MsoNormal">I frowned. “I am an adult.”

<p class="MsoNormal">“In age, yes, but for all intents and purposes, your mentality isn’t. It’s obviously stunted.” I opened my mouth to argue that fact, but Amamiya-san merely carried on, walking over my opinion. How dare he… “Two; your ability to cut yourself off from emotions is a boon at times, but its drawbacks far outnumber the good stuff, trust me. Someone I know nearly got torn up by that. Third; you’re not feeling anything, sure, but that’ll only mess you up – big time – down the road.”

<p class="MsoNormal">I stared silently, my teeth grinding together as I tried very hard not to lash out at a superior, even though he deserves it. I don’t remember him being my father, nor a blood relative of mine, but how dare he judge me? Does he even know me?!

<p class="MsoNormal">This is a complete waste of time.

<p class="MsoNormal">“Ryuuka-kun…” I lifted my eyes to meet his, making an effort to keep my face impassive. “I know… I’m coming off like I’m butting into your business… But please, just listen to me. Save for my wife, the rest of my squad mates are around your age. They’re kinda like my kids now, you know? I don’t really know you, but seeing folks like you assisting in suicides… It leaves a really bad taste in my mouth.” I kept my guarded expression up, even though I’m immensely thrown off by Amamiya-san’s words. “You kids are supposed to be the better future. Your hands shouldn’t touch blood, if I can only get my way.”

<p class="MsoNormal">I looked down at my aforementioned limbs. It’s quite too late, though. I’m neck deep in it. “But I did this for them.” I frowned. “I don’t understand why they can’t understand that I’m protecting them. Fuck, they should be grateful I willingly accepted the missions so they don’t have to.”

<p class="MsoNormal">“Mm…” Amamiya-san, look at somewhere unseen by the camera. “This is more complicated than I thought. I really should go there; video call won’t cut it and honestly? I’m in need of more beer! Ahaha!”

<p class="MsoNormal">While I could only give the… veteran a dumbfounded stare while he enjoyed his mirth, and idea – more like a reminder – wormed itself into my mind.

<p class="MsoNormal">I find myself hesitating, though, as I am not only intruding on their squad, but my presence would jeopardize their mission of pursuing the Kyuubi. Am I really willing to risk that for a selfish wish?

<p class="MsoNormal">No, of course not.

<p class="MsoNormal">Better that I keep my silence, then.

<p class="MsoNormal">''But aren’t you the fastest in Blood? Even Soma had difficulty managing that speed''. I scowled when that unwelcome thought entered my brain. I’m tempted to heed Leah’s suggestion of visiting a psychologist. I want to keep my sanity longer, and voices telling me things in my head aren’t a healthy thing, that I’m sure of.

<p class="MsoNormal">''But filing a petition to temporarily transfer to a different Branch is waaaay more troublesome than it should be. An outing with Cradle won’t draw The Bastard’s attention, too. Yup, I am'' crazy. Though I had long suspected that ever since I was able to walk. I was never a normal child, even before I snapped and became prone to violent outbursts.

<p class="MsoNormal">“-I, Ryuuka-kun are you asleep? Oi!” I snapped my head up, realizing that I had fallen into a dazed trance and as a result, hadn’t heard Amamiya-san call for me. I frowned when the man suddenly laughed, amused by something or other. “Oh, you’re awake! I thought you can do that ‘sleeping with their eyes open’ stuff. Been callin’ you for a minute now.”

<p class="MsoNormal">I scowled. “I was simply occupied by my thoughts.” I protested.

<p class="MsoNormal">“Sure, sure, whatever you say kiddo.” I scowled deeper, making the man laugh even more. I find myself deeply offended by accepting help from such a… frivolous man. Had the database been wrong about this man? I feel like backing out of this. “But whatever! I came up with a better plan!”

<p class="MsoNormal">I gave him a careful look, and he took that as a cue to continue. Let’s just hope nothing out-

<p class="MsoNormal">“You shall go to us!”

<p class="MsoNormal">-rageous…

<p class="MsoNormal">“I’m sorry, can you repeat that please? I must have misheard.” I stated.

<p class="MsoNormal">“You can go here to us! I just remembered why your name is familiar; Alisa and Soma had some good stuff to say about you!” H answered, unbothered by the sarcastic tone I used.

<p class="MsoNormal">“Sir… Lindow-san, I can’t possibly join you on your mission, sir.” I said carefully. I can’t believe he thought of what I had nearly asked. Is he psychic? No, people with ESP-esque abilities are mere stories. And even with science, you cannot read or even predict what a person was going to say (unless it’s painfully obvious). How did he do that?

<p class="MsoNormal">“And why not?” Amamiya-san looked absolutely baffled by this. “The way I see it, you’re one of the fastest God Eaters around – in Far East, as far as I know, anyways – and even our resident speedster only topped 80! I don’t know how that wouldn’t help.”

<p class="MsoNormal">I blinked. “My battled experience is inadequate compared to your comrades, Lindow-san. I would merely hinder you instead of help.”

<p class="MsoNormal">“Ehhhh, simpler words would be nice. I don’t have a dictionary on hand.”

<p class="MsoNormal">“Compared to you, I’ll be useless.”

<p class="MsoNormal">“Nonsense!” Amamiya-san declared with matching arms crossed in an ‘x’ in front of his chest. “Yeah, we’re all more experience and blah blah, but don’t you have confidence in your skills? I think Soma mentioned you being the third in command…”

<p class="MsoNormal">How the hell did that guy make such an assumption? “No, Alencon – a squad mate – is the third in command.” Thou shalt not leave thine comrades in my command. Not only that I’ll end up forgetting that they’re in my command, but I’ll probably mess up. Have I ever mentioned I’m terrible at making long-term decisions?

<p class="MsoNormal">Obviously, with the whole ‘killing off Infected’ debacle.

<p class="MsoNormal">“Oh, my bad, but the point is,” Amamiya-san placed stress on the last word to emphasize, and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. “We’ll always appreciate an extra hand. How long have you been in service?”

<p class="MsoNormal">I sighed deeply. “… More or less a year, sir.”

<p class="MsoNormal">“Rank?” Question and Answer again?!

<p class="MsoNormal">“… 6.”

<p class="MsoNormal">“Well, would you look at that!” I nearly jumped and punched the screen due to surprise, Amamiya-san suddenly raising his voice. “That’s a good enough qualification for pursuing the Kyuubi! See? No problem! I’ll talk to Doctor Sakaki to clear stuff up, hm? C’mon, it’ll be a learning experience! And we can solve your problem for the better! Two birds in one stone, eh?”

<p class="MsoNormal">I hesitated.

<p class="MsoNormal">His reasoning is sound, but that doesn’t mean that assuages my worries. In fact, I’m more nervous and worried and afraid and other synonyms to those words. And I don’t think going up against an unknown Aragami is a ‘learning experience’, more like ‘suicide’-…

<p class="MsoNormal">You know, if I do get killed on the way, that’d be great.

<p class="MsoNormal">I’d pay for my sins, Hiro and Nana and the rest would have their peace of mind… Him not to worry about my sorry ass anymore… Then the other guy finding nothing but my gravestone.

<p class="MsoNormal">Yup, great deal.

<p class="MsoNormal">“… You know what? Fine, I’ll accept.” I sighed out, injecting a good deal of resignation for the lie to work.

<p class="MsoNormal">Amamiya-san had his face split in a wide grin, and I was half-regretting, half-hopeful of this.

<p class="MsoNormal">Shit.

<p class="MsoNormal">--

<p class="MsoNormal">“I formally request to use my one week of leave effective immediately, from this hour forward.” I said carefully and slowly, a slight mockery to General Fat-Ass.

<p class="MsoNormal">I heard a couple of gasps behind me, but I didn’t dare look over my shoulder to where Blood suddenly appeared, I’m going to fucking win this staring contest with the vile, disgusting, pathetic, incompetent, traitorous, swine-

<p class="MsoNormal">Ahem.

<p class="MsoNormal">“And why should I give them to you?” General Fat-Ass questioned. I kept my face carefully blank, and my body attentive but lax so as not to give away my urge to personally wring this pig’s neck. Preferably with Kyrie Eleison. She would gladly accept the offering, I’m sure.

<p class="MsoNormal">“In an estimated time of 30 minutes, Mobile Corps Ranger Lindow Amamiya shall send in a letter requesting my specific assistance. As this is a private order, I require a leave of duty to temporarily transfer to Mobile Corps HQ, where I shall carry out my duties to them.” I spat out a textbook answer at him, and I smothered the smirk that threatened to break out of my face as his smaller eye twitched like mad. “Failure to grant permission is a breach of Soldier’s Rights, General.”

<p class="MsoNormal">Hey, I just follow orders. Doesn’t mean I have to like who gives them.

<p class="MsoNormal">I could already feel Leah’s disapproving gaze (I don’t get it, she laughs like a fucking hyena after I do something like this) and Miss Rachel’s mildly amused one. Julius would be in that stoic, calm as a cucumber – but I’m not sure, with our situation right now – Romeo would step back and bite his lip to stop himself from laughing. Gil would probably kick me in the knee later, Ciel… I don’t know about that girl. Hiro would have this look on his face like we’re going to be skinned alive and Nana would be abit confused.

<p class="MsoNormal">I really shouldn’t provoke General Fat-ass, but he was recently hitting on Leah. Well, recently hitting on more on Leah. She’s amused as fuck by it so she continues to play the man like a doll, but hasn’t she ever thought who it does to my blood pressure? Or brain cells, for that matter? Ugh, I feel sick to my stomach.

<p class="MsoNormal">“Damn cheeky brats, fine, you’ll get your Leave of Duty.” He waved his hand, obviously dismissing me. I stayed where I was. “You’re still here?”

<p class="MsoNormal">I looked pointedly at the form I filed in record time.

<p class="MsoNormal">Graemethrower cursed under his breath, something ‘goddamn, girly-faced brats being cheeky’- Okay, that’s it. Once Graemethrower is off of his high-horse, I’ll claim his head. Preferably on a golden platter. I’m not fucking girly-faced, dammit.

<p class="MsoNormal">He signed where he had to sign, and all but threw the papers at me. I bowed and took the papers, I couldn’t resist my lips curling into an evil little smirk.

<p class="MsoNormal">Hehe, ‘Piss The Bastard Off’ is the best game I’ve invented so far.

<p class="MsoNormal">I nodded to Leah and Miss Rachel on my way out – I carefully made sure not to make eye contact with any of the Blood members – and I was out the door with a big grin on my face.

<p class="MsoNormal">Plan Try Get Myself Killed in ac-

<p class="MsoNormal">“Ryuuka!”

<p class="MsoNormal">“ACK!” Sonnuvabitch, who- the hell Gilbert. And Julius.

<p class="MsoNormal">“Aren’t you two supposed to be with the others?” I didn’t even bother sugarcoat my words. Gil would blow it off, but I hid my discomfort when I saw Julius flinch. Well, damn me and my mouth. “Whatever, why did you go out of your way to chase the Black Sheep?” I asked, injecting a bit of sarcasm and derision in my voice to ward them off and so I could finally get out of this place.

<p class="MsoNormal">Gil, as I expected, ignored the words. “Why are you doing this?” He all but demanded. I have to wonder though, are my intentions not that obvious? “Why are you running away?”

<p class="MsoNormal">What the fuck. “Running away?” I repeated incredulously, though I was surprised that I wasn’t mad. Well, maybe a little bit, but very easy to ignore. “No, Gilbert, I’m not ‘running away’, as you put it. Can’t you see the atmosphere with Blood? It’s best that I leave, even for just a while. I did say ‘one week’, right?”

<p class="MsoNormal">Gilbert hesitated, and I was irritated and surprised that he looked like he hadn’t expected me to say those. I must say I’m disappointed in him. Shouldn’t he know better? Being my childhood friend and all? The shame, Gil, the shame. “But…” The guy bit his lip, lowering the brim of his hat in that nervous tic of his. “But are you really gonna join Cradle? They’re going after Kyuubi, right?”

<p class="MsoNormal">I sighed exasperatedly. “Yes, Cradle is going after Kyuubi but I never mentioned being on the frontline, stupid.” Well, I might’ve omitted that out earlier… “I’m more of a support and maybe a distraction. My speed hasn’t failed me-“

<p class="MsoNormal">“But they’re veterans!” Gil rudely interrupted. I narrowed my eyes at his insolence, had he no faith on- no wait, never mind that question. “They’ve got years on you!”

<p class="MsoNormal">“I repeat what I said; I’m not fighting on the frontline.” I declared with a tone that brooks no argument. I gave Gilbert a steely glance, and he gave me a defiant one in return. How nostalgic; to think it was the other way around 11 years ago. “I… appreciate you worrying for me, but please don’t bother yourself with this. Everyone needs a time out from me, Cradle could use the extra hand, and everybody wins!” I shrugged. “I’m doing this one way or the other, so please don’t bother trying to convince me otherwise.”

<p class="MsoNormal">We fell silent, and when Julius spoke, I nearly started in surprise. I had honestly forgotten he was there.

<p class="MsoNormal">“Why need a timeout? We can sit down and talk; you don’t have to leave.” Damn. If there’s another person beside Leah that I can’t disobey, it’s Julius. But… “It’s been a week Ryuuka, don’t you think it’s time we all have a talk?” Julius was pleading by now, and despite whatever I do, it’s tearing at my resolve.

<p class="MsoNormal">Damn my debt to him.

<p class="MsoNormal">I sighed deeply, forcing my emotions back down. “Julius… It’s not that simple. What I did can’t be just resolved by sitting down and having a nice, fluffy heart to heart and I believe that my lack of presence would be better on their part.” I explained. “I’m not doing this for Cradle or for me; this is all for you guys. So do me a favor and stand by them, Captain. They need you more than I.”

<p class="MsoNormal">With that done, I left. My God Arc was already in its transport case, and my bag already there with it. I was immensely relieved when neither Gilbert nor Julius stopped me, and so I made my way to the Deployment Docks.

<p class="MsoNormal">I may not have left FRIAR on the best of terms, but I feel there’ll be a change soon. For better or for worse, I don’t know.

<p class="MsoNormal">Cradle awaits.

<p class="MsoNormal">--

<p class="MsoNormal">So. Ryuuka leaves for Cradle. I’m still debating whether this is a good thing or not but I have plans. I just hope I can deliver them in a satisfactory manner. Have I mention not all plans are good? Mwahahahahaha!

<p class="MsoNormal">I hope I did Lindow right. Or any Cradle member, to be honest. I know them the least, so I’m pretty nervous about my portrayal of them. I’m more nervous of the ‘canon and semi-canon’ protagonists of GEB, since I know nothing about them. Aaaaaaaaagh.

<p class="MsoNormal">P.S.: I’m no shrink, so that convo with Lindow at the beginning is/might be/kinda/sorta weird. I make no sense.

<p class="MsoNormal">P.P.S (is this even real?): Next chapter might be late (or not, since it’s just a different POV chap) because… stuff. And I’m rearranging my brain because SHRIMPS will GO DOWN soon. *insert generic villain laugh*

<p class="MsoNormal">