User blog:Baluar/Birthday fic 2016

Baluar was fighting against an Orgetail. Normally, the creatures were named Ogretail, but he had decided to name this one differently for a minor reason: the fact that a single swipe of its tail had cut down an entire building. And that no matter what he did, he could do nothing to hurt the creature.

Suddenly, the monster teleported behind him and threw him down with its tail, barely hurting him but leaving him unable to act for a second. As death closed in in the form of a ridiculously OP tail, time suddenly grinded to a halt as Baluar pulled a Fanta from his coat.

-Gimme a break. - Wait a minute. This isn't in the scr... - Hey, dude, cut me some slack. This is a birthday fic, you're not supposed to kill me off or anything.

Hey, you're not supposed to break the 4th wall.

-You're not supposed to be on the PC now, and yet there you are. Wasn't there some homework you're pretending to have forgotten...?

Ok, ok, so you can break the 4th wall...

-Yes, I can. And where's Nia, by the way? She's been pretty absent from fanfic lately.

Ehh...

poof

-Where the hell am I, Bal? I was relaxing at home and then... I'm here?

-Shit happens. drinks Fanta

-What's that?

That? That's an...

-That's an Orgetail.

-Didn't you mean Ogretail?

-No, I meant Orgetail.

-What manner of stupidity is this? That thing is clearly an Ogretail, do not intentionally mispronounce its name.

-Eh, sure. finishes Fanta and pulls some Coke from hammerspace

world explode

-Bal... would you please, PLEASE stop drinking that? It's costy as hell.

-No, definitely not.

-For me? puppy eyes

-Nope. drinks the bottle in one go and kicks it away

-sigh So, where am I? And why am I here?

-Cause it's our birthday, and we gotta appear for the cameras.

-What camer- discovers the 4th wall Oh. Stopstopstopforjustasinglemoment. Does that mean people are looking at me even when I'm taking a bath?

-Depends on whom, really. Lyrr probably does... maybe? The rest... can't tell. They might look like good guys, but they have depths best left just as that, depths. God knows what'd happen if those were exposed.

-What was that about?

-Eh... nothing.

How about we all just forget this and...

-Nope. With the amount of shit we've had to go through thanks to you, the least you can do is give us a break. Like, you know, some nice vacations in the Caribbean or something.

But that clashes with the sett-

-Dude, you've forced me to kill my father, become what I hated the most and go through a divorce, and that's without accounting for the time you made me kill whom I thought was my sister, knowing how tough it'd be. The least you can do is give us some vacations. Whether or not they fit in the setting, I don't give a shit. A nice month or two in the Caribbean, with some hot girls serving us... Maybe you could put Lina in there, too.

Hey, she's y- this is- it doesn't- you are- ah, f*ck it. Deal.

-AND NO HURRICANES.

The sea was calm like never before. The water was transparent, the sands were an impolute white, and the sun shone high in the sky. In the beach, two larger than average people were-

-No need to make it THAT long. This isn't Roi's fic, they'll get enough with 2 or 3 kb, man.

Ok, ok. So Bal and Nia were sunbathing in the Caribbean, a cold drink in the right hand of the latter, who took a long sip before letting it rest in the floor.

After a few minutes of relax, Lina closed in, clad in a revealing swimsuit, carrying a glass full of coke with some ice.

-Hey sw-

SPOILERS YOU ASSHOLE.

-What the actual fu-

IF YOU DON'T WANT ME TO RAIN 30 OUROBOROS, 24 SKY FATHERS AND 9 NOVAS ON YOU RIGHT NOW, THEN DON'T SAY ANYTHING ELSE.

-Eeasy, man. You could've said SPOILERS and it would've been enough. No need to make a song out of it.

ARHAOSRHPOAISDHPOAUSRF NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! explodes into a trillion pieces

-The hell just happened?

-Hell if I know, sis'. sips Coke Hell if I know.

-Oh, and Bal...

-Yeah, happy birthday to you, too.

-Excuse me, but can anyone tell me what is going on here? I remember being at home and then suddenly we're here in a beach... I mean, not that I'm complaining or anything, but I don't get it.

-Eh, better that way, dear Lina. Trust me.

P.S: My birthday is actually tomorrow.