User blog:Baluar/Special chapter 2: Cooking time

Yes, it's my turn of making fun of Alisa's cooking skills.

Today, we inaugurate our house in the Inner Residential Section with Alisa. We don’t want to make much of a mess, but we agreed to invite most of our friends for lunch, and I invite Lyrr, Ken and Arthur for dinner.

-Ok. Who will cook each food? – She asks. Damn… I had hoped I’d cook both times.

-What do you think if I cook for lunch? – I’ve gotta find a way for the guys not to eat her food…

-Ok. I’ll make food for nighttime. – Holy shit…

I then begin to prepare the food at more or less 10 o’clock of the morning. I’m preparing a food we called “asado” back where I lived when I was a child. It’s essentially meat roasted in a grill. Since I made sure to have a great grill when the house was in construction, there’s no problem. I also prepared some salad.

Then, lunch time arrives and our house seems to be overrun by people. Exactly 23 persons are here: Lindow, Sakuya, Ren (now a 4-year-old), Soma, Kota, Robb, Lili, Daniel, Tatsumi, Brendan, Kanon (who brought cookies so we can have a dessert), Gina, Shun, Karel, Erina, Emil, Kigurumi (although I don’t know what is he doing here, since he doesn’t even eat), Hibari, Fran, Tsubaki (I invited her, but didn’t really think she’d come), Nia, Alisa and me.

I was sure I was prepared for any eventuality, but when I'm about to serve the food to Gina…

-Baluar, I’m a vegetarian. – Dammit. How could I possibly forget it? The salad isn't enough.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops:35.4pt 70.8pt 106.2pt 141.6pt 177.0pt 212.4pt 247.8pt 283.2pt 402.0pt"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-size:20.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language:EN-US">-Oh hell, you’re right, I forgot about it. – I answer. – Do you like noodles? - She assents. - Ok. I’m going to ask Alisa if she can make some for you.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops:35.4pt 70.8pt 106.2pt 141.6pt 177.0pt 212.4pt 247.8pt 283.2pt 402.0pt"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-size:20.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language:EN-US">-I’ll wait then. – Her face doesn’t translate any emotion. She simply reclines in her chair and waits.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops:35.4pt 70.8pt 106.2pt 141.6pt 177.0pt 212.4pt 247.8pt 283.2pt 402.0pt"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-size:20.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language:EN-US">Alisa’s glad to make the noodles, but she messes up and they end up a little bit… charred (well, actually, they're jet black, but whatever). She tries again with another set of noodles, and they’re pretty well done, so she serves them to Gina after putting them some tomato sauce. Gina says they are actually quite tasty. I’m saved.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops:35.4pt 70.8pt 106.2pt 141.6pt 177.0pt 212.4pt 247.8pt 283.2pt 402.0pt"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-size:20.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language:EN-US">Everyone finishes their food, and I get applauded for my great food (During the applause, all I do is stand there, with a stupid face, but whatever). Afterwards, Kanon brings out her cookies, and she gives a couple to everyone. I get a big, white chocolate cookie (Kanon knows I like white… No pun intended) and a purple one that tastes bittersweet, but tasty.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops:35.4pt 70.8pt 106.2pt 141.6pt 177.0pt 212.4pt 247.8pt 283.2pt 402.0pt"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-size:20.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language:EN-US">After a while, everyone leaves. Alisa goes to sleep for a while, and I use the time to acquire a decent amount of sandwich ingredients, just in case. Then I go away to complete a few missions.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops:35.4pt 70.8pt 106.2pt 141.6pt 177.0pt 212.4pt 247.8pt 283.2pt 402.0pt"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-size: 20.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";mso-ansi-language: EN-US">Later… 

<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops:35.4pt 70.8pt 106.2pt 141.6pt 177.0pt 212.4pt 247.8pt 283.2pt 402.0pt"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-size:20.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language:EN-US">I arrive back home, and there’s a weird but tasty smell in the air. I wonder if Alisa is actually cooking well, and then I go in and find her cooking something she won’t reveal. When she realizes I’m trying to find out what she’s cooking, she kisses me in the cheek and tells me:

<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops:35.4pt 70.8pt 106.2pt 141.6pt 177.0pt 212.4pt 247.8pt 283.2pt 402.0pt"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-size:20.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language:EN-US">-It’s-a-se-cret! – I keep trying to see past her, but she won’t let me see. After a while, I decide she deserves to have a chance (despite the fact that the last time I tasted her food, I ended up with stomach pain), and go away to play some old videogames to pass the time till my friends arrive.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops:35.4pt 70.8pt 106.2pt 141.6pt 177.0pt 212.4pt 247.8pt 283.2pt 402.0pt"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-size:20.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language:EN-US">After half an hour or so, I hear the doorbell and head to open the door. When I open, I see Arthur, Ken, Lyrr and a female God Eater I had never seen before. After welcoming everyone, I ask who she is.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops:35.4pt 70.8pt 106.2pt 141.6pt 177.0pt 212.4pt 247.8pt 283.2pt 402.0pt"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-size:20.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language:EN-US">-My name is Vina. Nice to meet you! – She answers. Before she can keep speaking, Arthur speaks:

<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops:35.4pt 70.8pt 106.2pt 141.6pt 177.0pt 212.4pt 247.8pt 283.2pt 402.0pt"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-size:20.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language:EN-US">-She’s been following me everywhere for no apparent reason. Even after I talked to her and told her I was coming here for dinner, she won’t quit… – She seemingly doesn’t think the same way.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops:35.4pt 70.8pt 106.2pt 141.6pt 177.0pt 212.4pt 247.8pt 283.2pt 402.0pt"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-size:20.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language:EN-US">-No problem. Everyone’s welcome here. Besides, Alisa’s cooking a lot, from what I can say. – I say.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops:35.4pt 70.8pt 106.2pt 141.6pt 177.0pt 212.4pt 247.8pt 283.2pt 402.0pt"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-size:20.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language:EN-US">-Alisa’s cooking? Last time I tasted her food, I almost ended up in the Sick Bay. – Ken complains.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops:35.4pt 70.8pt 106.2pt 141.6pt 177.0pt 212.4pt 247.8pt 283.2pt 402.0pt"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-size:20.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language:EN-US">-She’s getting better. – I then lower my voice tone. – Just in case, though, I’ve got material to make a few sandwiches. I just ask you guys, in case her food tastes horrible, dissimulate it. Ok? – Everyone assents. – Great. Now, why are we standing outside? I mean, the yard’s pretty nice, but it’s cold out here. Come in!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops:35.4pt 70.8pt 106.2pt 141.6pt 177.0pt 212.4pt 247.8pt 283.2pt 402.0pt"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-size:20.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language:EN-US">I go to check up on Alisa, while I leave everyone to explore the house a bit. She still hasn’t finished her cooking, so we begin to speak to pass the time. Then, Lyrr begins to joke around with some Aragami-hunting tales of his, and afterwards he begins to value how much each of us is worth, if he were to hunt us (which is both funny and creepy). Then I begin to follow with some stories of my own, but after barely getting to the climax of the first one, Alisa comes with a large pot on her hands.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops:35.4pt 70.8pt 106.2pt 141.6pt 177.0pt 212.4pt 247.8pt 283.2pt 402.0pt"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-size:20.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language:EN-US">-Food’s ready! – I then have a chance to see what she cooked. Apparently, we’re eating home-made ravioli. They do look tasty, and certainly smell the part.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops:35.4pt 70.8pt 106.2pt 141.6pt 177.0pt 212.4pt 247.8pt 283.2pt 402.0pt"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-size:20.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language:EN-US">-What do they have inside? – I ask.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops:35.4pt 70.8pt 106.2pt 141.6pt 177.0pt 212.4pt 247.8pt 283.2pt 402.0pt"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-size:20.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language:EN-US">-Ham and cheese. I found a lot inside the fridge. – I then hear Ken (who’s standing right next to me) emit a very light sigh. He then says “Bye sandwiches”. I can hardly avoid laughing. I try to dissimulate saying:

<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops:35.4pt 70.8pt 106.2pt 141.6pt 177.0pt 212.4pt 247.8pt 283.2pt 402.0pt"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-size:20.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language:EN-US">-Alright, let’s eat! I’m starving. –Then we seat down, and begin to eat. Well, everyone is initially distrustful of the ravioli (even Vina), but I attack them anyway. They’re quite tasty… until I find one with an outrageously high amount of salt (like, more salt than ham and cheese combined). I can’t avoid coughing like a maniac.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops:35.4pt 70.8pt 106.2pt 141.6pt 177.0pt 212.4pt 247.8pt 283.2pt 402.0pt"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-size:20.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language:EN-US">-I should have mentioned the salt container broke and a few ravioli were bathed in salt. You might want to watch out. – Alisa says, while I still cough, although not as sonorously as before.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops:35.4pt 70.8pt 106.2pt 141.6pt 177.0pt 212.4pt 247.8pt 283.2pt 402.0pt"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-size:20.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language:EN-US">-Hmm, I have to shay I wash dishtrushtful, Alisha. But thish ish great! – Ken answers with his mouth full of ravioli. The sight is hilarious. I can only avoid laughing because I’m still coughing. (Out of Story note: I couldn't get more out of character, but whatever)

<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops:35.4pt 70.8pt 106.2pt 141.6pt 177.0pt 212.4pt 247.8pt 283.2pt 402.0pt"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-size:20.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language:EN-US">-Thanks Ken! What do you guys think? – She asks, ignoring Ken’s state and my maniac coughing.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops:35.4pt 70.8pt 106.2pt 141.6pt 177.0pt 212.4pt 247.8pt 283.2pt 402.0pt"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-size:20.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language:EN-US">-They’re not bad… they’re quite good, I must say. – Lyrr says.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops:35.4pt 70.8pt 106.2pt 141.6pt 177.0pt 212.4pt 247.8pt 283.2pt 402.0pt"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-size:20.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language:EN-US">-I think they’re tasty! Congratulations. – Vina says. I’m actually finding her quite friendly and likable.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops:35.4pt 70.8pt 106.2pt 141.6pt 177.0pt 212.4pt 247.8pt 283.2pt 402.0pt"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-size:20.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language:EN-US">-They’re quite… Ouch! – Arthur says. He then spits a piece of metal (and some blood) in the dish.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops:35.4pt 70.8pt 106.2pt 141.6pt 177.0pt 212.4pt 247.8pt 283.2pt 402.0pt"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-size:20.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language:EN-US">-Oh! I’m sorry, Arthur. I-I swear I’ve no idea where that came from! – Alisa claims. I stop my coughs for a second to comment on the metal piece:

<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops:35.4pt 70.8pt 106.2pt 141.6pt 177.0pt 212.4pt 247.8pt 283.2pt 402.0pt"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-size:20.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language:EN-US">-I think that looks a lot like the salt container’s top… – Alisa is terrified. I resume my coughing.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops:35.4pt 70.8pt 106.2pt 141.6pt 177.0pt 212.4pt 247.8pt 283.2pt 402.0pt"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-size:20.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language:EN-US">-No problem. – Arthur says with his hand in his cheek. After eating the rest of the ravioli without any more incidents, we speak a while and then everyone leaves. After saying everyone goodbye, I tell to Alisa:

<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops:35.4pt 70.8pt 106.2pt 141.6pt 177.0pt 212.4pt 247.8pt 283.2pt 402.0pt"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-size:20.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language:EN-US">-I’ll do the washing. – She looks at me terrified, as if I said I was going to destroy the house.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops:35.4pt 70.8pt 106.2pt 141.6pt 177.0pt 212.4pt 247.8pt 283.2pt 402.0pt"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-size:20.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language:EN-US">-N-no! Don’t! I’ll take care of it. – She says, while trying to block me from entering the kitchen.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops:35.4pt 70.8pt 106.2pt 141.6pt 177.0pt 212.4pt 247.8pt 283.2pt 402.0pt"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-size:20.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language:EN-US">-Why? What’s the matter? – I then enter the kitchen anyway. I immediately notice why she didn’t want me to enter… It’s a mess. Broken dishes all over the floor, the counter is full of flour, there are lots of wasted ham and cheese in the floor that Rufo is eating, there is salt spilled all around…

<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops:35.4pt 70.8pt 106.2pt 141.6pt 177.0pt 212.4pt 247.8pt 283.2pt 402.0pt"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-size:20.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language:EN-US">-Well, I guess this could be worse. – I say. – I guess it’s cleaning time. Hell, I hate cleaning.