User blog:Baluar/Welcome, 2017!

So, I'm alone for the first time in ages.

Nia is on duty and won't be returning any time soon, Lina is still on her trip and Alex is on one of her friends' house, spending New Year there.

It's been quite some time since I had some time alone. They say it's good to think of stuff.

And I've really got a LOT to think of.

I was born a looooooong time ago, in South America. Nia, my twin sister, was born a few minutes before me. We were the sons of a couple of scientists. From what little I remember we are both dead ringers from our dad, but Nia definitely has our mom's eyes.

We lived a happy live, as happy as it could get with a bunch of Aragami running amok trying to kill the fuck out of whatever poor thing has the misfortune of crossing their way. For some years it was calm, but then they died in some sort of accident. Well, actually our dad did not die, but that's a story for later on.

We were forced to go on our own for quite some time. It was a dreadful experience that I wouldn't desire unto my worst enemy, but it had one silver lining: it was what made our bond so strong. Before, we were close, but after the long years we were forced to rely on each other and nothing else, we learned to trust and understand each other without needing so much as a nod. It was natural, we simply understood each other. And for that I am thankful.

After years doing what we could, eventually we were found to be matches for a pair of God Arcs in the Far East Branch. It was thankfully a way out of the pathetic life we'd been living up to that point, and so we moved from our home in South America to there.

Now now, don't get me wrong, I love protecting mankind and all, and I do love my job. But there are times where I wish I could just do what I like. I never chose to be a God Eater. You know the drill: you're a match, you're a God Eater. Fenrir doesn't come and ask you "would you like to be a God Eater?". Oh hell no. There's no deciding over your fate in this line of work.

Don't misunderstand me, I'm proud of who I am, and if I hadn't been a God Eater I wouldn't have met my wife and have a daughter, but sometimes I can't help but wonder if this is truly what I want to be. What I was meant to be.

Y'know, I got to where I am now by sheer chance. Back in the day I was just an average God Eater. Alright, modesty apart maybe I was, like, a lot more skilled than average, but still, nothing truly remarkable. All that separated me from most is that I had a burning will to fight Aragami that wouldn't recede. Youthful enthusiasm... I've long lost it by now.

I was with Nia back then. We were in a single Unit here in the Far East when we were summoned to fight against a truly GIGANTIC Ouroboros in the Antarctica. Like, mountain-range huge. Tough fight, many died that day. But for some reason, I survived. And not only that, but I killed the Ouroboros and incorporated its core within me. Or so I thought at first.

I had my fair share of adventures back then. From walking dead to getting stomped on by a (normal-sized) Ouroboros and surviving by throwing it away, I saw and went through a lot of shit back then. Fun days, really. And I met a lot of cool people. Arthur, Ken, Nanako... yeah, those were the days. I was young and careless, and everything was amazing and new.

However, while the core did grant me incredible powers, it also had the unfortunate side effect of slowly making me more and more Aragami. Lose my humanity in exchange for power, that kinda deal. Overtake me and cause chaos. Yeah, sentient Aragami are either sweet little girls or complete monstrosities, never met one who was sort of in the middle. Anyway, this went on and on until I began to feel like I wasn't in control of my body sometimes.

Obviously, I wouldn't have some half-assed Aragami taking control of me, so I did the reasonable thing: I did some science-y shit (with the help of an actual scientist, mind you), took the bad Aragami bits out of my body and kicked their ass till they became a bit more colaborative. Unfortunately, that didn't happen, so I was forced to kick the shit out of it and kill it. Diminished my powers by a lot, but I never quite returned to normal.

We then became a part of Cradle. Y'know, Nia and I. Took care of the most dangerous Aragami all around the world. Grueling fights, the lot of them, but it was refreshing. Rejuvenating. It was being alive again. During a lot of those fights, though, neither of us knew if we'd be returning home alive for dinner. Gotta say, even though it felt great, I wouldn't go back to those days. Although then I didn't have a family, like I do now... age changes a man, right?

During one of those missions, coincidentally on the Far East, we were publically branded traitors, allies of the Aragami. Complete bullshit, as anyone with even a quarter of a working brain could tell you. But somehow, people bought that lie and suddenly we couldn't appear in public without risking an outbreak of idiots thinking we were there to kill them. Heh... I remember one of Nia's anecdotes from back then... She had to go in search of food to the black market, and a random asshat tried to stab her. Bad move, considering she was a head and a half taller and considerably stronger, faster and... well, you get the idea. Guy was lucky he came out with nothing but a bit of a scare.

Anyway, back on topic. With a bit of a hand from one of our friends from the Blood unit, we got a bit of a power-up. And yes, I'm fully aware that was two "a bit of" in one sentence, and I don't care. Power up wasn't necessary, mind you, since there was little that could stand in our way, anyway. But when fifty fucking God Arc Soldiers are after you, you take what you can get.

Afterwards, we simply decided we didn't stand that lie anymore, and just headed back to the Den, where predictably everyone knew that the lies told about us were... well, just that. Lies. Big gamble, but it turned out right.

Truth went out that we weren't some child-eating, super strong half Aragami breed with a taste of human blood and intestines and... whatever other stuff people made up about us. Trust me, I once heard a man call me that. Even the intestines bit. Well, maybe not the intestines bit, but for fuck's sake, I'm not kidding about the rest.

But the one responsible... Dr. Rachel goddamn Claudius, was still out there. And while we faced her down and (seemingly) killed her for good in a rather anti-climactic meeting, it wasn't the last we would see of her.

Yeah, in case you didn't notice, I've went through a crapton of stuff in my life. Then again, almost no God Eaters reached my age and were still in active service, so I'm bound to have at least some stories worth telling.

As I was saying, it wasn't the last we saw of the good doctor. She appeared again after some time, looking a wee bit... weird. I mean, when was the last time you saw a person walking down the street completely naked with jet black skin and tentacles popping out of their freaking back? Yeah, never. Well, as you probably figured out, that's how the doctor looked when we met her again.

It'd been a few years since we last saw her. We thought her killed for good, but, as they say from where I come from, "hierba mala nunca muere". In case you need a translation, it's something along the lines of "bad weed won't die" or something. Yeah, point being, she didn't die as easily as any old person dies. You know, stab 'em with a two meter long blade, they generally die. Or at least that's what people say. Regardless of whether it applies to normal people or not, it definitely wasn't the case with her. Or perhaps she did die and simply resurrected... or maybe it was a clone... hell if I know.

Anyhow, we tangled with her and after a tough battle she went down. I don't remember the exact details from that time. I think she fooled us into thinking she did all of what she did to fight a greater Aragami threat. Pure lies. We went and faced the threat and it was actually her doing - complete with a clone of my sis' that I had to kill before knowing it was a clone. I was heartbroken, but learning it was an evil clone relieved me of most of my pain.

I'll never forget the feeling I had when I thought I'd killed her, however. It was something hard to describe. I was completely and utterly broken.

Rachel popped up again after that, but I'd had enough, and even by the time I decided it was worth the while to intervene, the Blood unit had already solved the issue. All the better for me: even thinking of her face made me feel a black rage that I'd never experienced before.

It was after that when I finally met some of my family.

As you can probably figure with how crappy things are for me up to this point, it wasn't a happy reunion where we drank some wine and thought about the old times and laughed. No, it was more like "oh my god, my father transformed into an Aragami and he's trying to kill us".

Seems I won a prize for a neverending supply of bad luck.

I was training a rookie back then. Poor bastard didn't last a second against the monstrosity my father had turned into. Can't remember his face now, let alone his name.

Death surrounds us in this business. It's no surprise you tend to stop giving a shit about it after long enough.

Anyway, my sis' and I were forced to do battle with a weird-looking Hannibal, ignoring at the time that it was family. The bastard then decided to kill us for whatever reason (something along the lines of "not being able to control his Aragami side", but I didn't buy it then, and I don't buy it now). He then took Nia away.

Now, remember when I said I kept some of the powers that came with being more Aragami than most? Apparently the sheer anger and hatred I felt at that point were more than enough to trigger them. I've heard that all God Eaters can do something resembling this, if you evoke their Arcs and trigger their Oracle Cells and whatnot, but being more Aragami than most I had an easier time at doing it.

Long story short, I became really angry and killed him. But then my anger lost its target, and I almost kill both of the women who were important to me. One of them forgave me, the other never did. I broke up with Alisa, and though I was destroyed back then, it was in retrospective a change for the best. Yeah, she was a bitch at times.

Come to think of it, the world has an annoying tendency to try and break me. And to tell the truth, I've never truly been broken. Oh sure, I've been through a crapton of bad experiences. I've seen so many people die around me I have lost the count, and in some cases I did not care about people dying right in front of my eyes.

But I was at most bent during that times. Never broken truly, for I always managed to return to shape and pull forward.

Huh. Maybe I should shut up. This sounds too much like tempting my luck. And that's probably not the best thing to do when you face death and stare it down every day.

Back in '81, I think, I had a bit of an adventure. I was summoned by Sakaki to help the Far East with a new threat that had arisen... Aragami unlike any other seen before were showing up. Emanating bright green energy, the things possessed powers that were pretty fucking scary.

I had the fortune (or misfortune, depending on your point of view) of joining up with Nanako on the way to the Far East. Now, in this comment I'm about to make I mean no disrespect: Nanako is a tremendously good fighter whom I have nothing but respect for. And to tell the truth, she's kinda hot, too. She's just... not quite my type? I guess.

Ohmygodohmygodohmygod ohmygod ohmygod, never ever tell her I said she's hot. She'll never allow me to live it down.

Anyway, back on topic. I had the (mis?)fortune of being paired with her. In the couple of occasions that happened, I had to tangle with some truly weird stuff that I'd rather not make a full list of. Suffice to say that the space-time continuum is involved in a lot of those, and that's not even the weirdest thing that we've experienced.

Eventually, we got to the crux of the problem, and guess what? The space-time continuum was involved! We ended up having to fight the former Director of the Intelligence Center of Fenrir, Isaac Feldman, who was coming from a twisted future where he had gone insane and started creating these so-called "Boundary" Aragami.

I met a ton of people that time. It was a great thing while it lasted. Nia and I even got a nifty power, which essentially consisted of shooting the hell outta things with a superconcentrated beam of Oracle Cells. Too bad we couldn't keep it, since its source had to be destroyed for Feldman's threat to end once and for all.

The details of the ending of that particular trip I don't quite remember. It's as though a fog covers the memories... I guess that kind of things happen when you mess with space-time.

A bit sooner than I'd expected, I got a call after a particularly tiring day of work. The contact was a very... unique person. Let's just say she's the one you want to call to know of anything, provided you can afford her spectacularly high price. She offered me some news I'd never heard of otherwise, and curiosity got the better of me. As I heard the news I paid so dearly to get, the sheer horror of what happened prompted me to go and help the Branch which had just been all but exterminated.

I somehow managed to make Nanako help me, although fortunately this time there was no space-time stuff involved. :D

When we arrived there was a woman unlike any other there to receive us. Her name was Lina. I was instantly smitten, although I decided to hide it as best I can and put on my best "smartass bastard" façade. While helping out as best I could.

It was a looong trip, that one. Fortunately it ended up about as well as you could expect, although the ending was a bit disheartening: while we managed to kill the one responsible, two whole Branches had been all but erased from the planet, and the words of the bastard responsible rang in our heads. "It's all a natural process", she said. "I only sped it up". Yeah, Aragami are bound to take over the world at some point, we've all known that from the get-go. Johannes von Schicksal knew, Rachel Claudius knew... but letting despair overtake us will only cause their stories to repeat themselves.

And I won't let that happen while I live.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that Lina ended up coming to the Far East and eventually I conquered her with my rugged good looks... ah, who am I kidding. She just liked me from the start, but had a hard time showing it. I wouldn't be able to conquer a broken chair.

Either way, we ended up living together and now we have a daughter, Alex. It's Alexandra, really, but everyone calls her Alex for short.

She was really angry at first, about me calling her Alex, and Lina wasn't too happy, either. True, it's a boy's name, but what's wrong with it? We shouldn't have called her Alexandra in the first place, but I really liked the name.

I still like it, though I'd have second thoughts about picking it.

And here I am, years later, spending New Year's Eve alone. While I'm glad to have met all these people, I enjoy having some time with myself alone. It makes for a good time to reminisce, to think about the past and look back and wonder how you feel about it all, to question yourself whether you've had a good life.

Against all odds, I'd say I've had one.

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* drinks Fanta*