User blog:One-Eyed Serpent/Never Stand ALone (ARC 2) - Chapter 1 - Broken Mind, Shattered Trust

-- [side:RYUU] --

5 months blurred into a myriad of faces, salutations, missions – both coming out of it with hardly any difficulty and barely escaping with our lives – vigorous training with our Soldiers, day offs together, petty arguments, moments of camaraderie that still shakes me to my core and most of all; time spent fighting for our lives.

They often say time passes by when you’re having fun, but while everything was nice and light, I don’t think anything is truly fun at all. We are still living in a world ruled by Aragami, after all, and the thought of those gluttonous creatures is a guaranteed dampenerr to my mood. Unless it involves killing them.

The past 5 months were filled with various sorts of things, like Hiro finally customizing his God Arc’ (which he christened ‘Masamune’) with the help of Damian and even Licca. He chose the color blue, which was a richer and deeper shade than his eyes, and he fit in with the others, the colorful and rather cheerful weapons belying its awesome power just as their respective owners belie their proficiency and efficiency in Devouring the Gods.

Blood and Leah and Miss Rachel were the firsthand witnesses of the Power of Blood, having Julius and Hiro on our Squad. Their ‘Blood Arts’ (or Romeo privately calls signature moves) were fascinating to witness, Julius calling his ‘Divine Wind Katana: Iron’ and Hiro calling his ‘Unconscious Katana: Dark’.

To be honest, I’m anxious for my own Power of Blood, and to develop my own Blood Art, but at the moment, I’d rather sit back and analyze their Power of Blood.

Particularly Hiro’s.

As its name implies, his ‘Evoke’ ability turns out to be a semi-conscious ability for him, relying heavily on his will and intent. I’ve seen him ‘Evoke’ a handful of times consciously, being the most memorable when he used his Power of Blood in tandem with Julius’, giving a Burst that nearly made us lose control. It was quickly quelled by something – I’ve yet to know what it is – but it was made clear that the strength of Hiro’s Power of Blood is reliant on his will.

But that isn’t what really piques my interest.

You see, during our first mission, something awful happened. Alencon and Nana were ambushed by a Type 1 Deusphage – to our horror -  while we carried out our post-mission perimeter check in the Ice Blue Canyons.

The Tsukuyomi – which the particular Deusphage Aragami was labeled – had caused the Alencon and Nana’s Soldiers – Soldier β and Soldier π, respectively – to stop, the occurrence similar to what happened with the Marduk months prior.

Hiro, Gil and Romeo-senpai’s group were the closest to them, as Julius and I were inspecting the Aragami remains we’ve found at that time.

Naturally, the three rushed off to help the girls, but were stopped when Fran’s voice in our communications were replaced by General Graemethrower’s voice, ordering us to pull back immediately and escape while the Deusphage was occupied with Alencon and Nana. ‘The God Arc Soldiers are top priority’, I remember the man saying. ‘Protect it at all costs! Even at the cost of your life!’, he said.

Of course, being the good dog that I was, turned and prepared to do as told, shutting my emotions down and not letting my feelings carry me away. I reasoned with myself that if Alencon and Nana were to die here, it’s because they fought to let us live, to continue. Death was a normal thing for me. I would mourn them, that’s an assured thing, but I always get back up within hours.

Mourning is not bad, as long as you don’t let it hold you back from the present.

So when Romeo and Gil began screaming for Hiro to get back, I was nearly overcome by irrational fear and most of all, fury.

<p class="MsoNormal">Disobedience is something I loathe, and Hiro’s stubbornness nearly killed us.

<p class="MsoNormal">Take note of the word ‘nearly’.

<p class="MsoNormal">It was by a stroke of extreme luck that Hiro Evoked Alencon and Nana’s respective Power of Blood; ‘Intuition’ and ‘Attraction’. Along with it is their new immunity to the Invasive Specie’s latent ability of Jamming.

<p class="MsoNormal">We hadn’t bothered to engage the Deusphage, even with number on our side; it was simply that powerful. It wasn’t called a ‘Deusphage’ for nothing, after all. If we God Eaters Devour Gods, Deusphage evolved to specifically Devour us.

<p class="MsoNormal">But I’ll have push that aside for now.

<p class="MsoNormal">Alencon’s Intuition ability gave us a literal change in perspective, our visual senses feeding our brains information, especially concerning Aragami’s weak points and its current state. We would know how strong it is, if it’s in a weakened state, and even a passive sense of knowing where the Aragami is. To Snipers like the both of us, it improved our accuracy by a tenfold, sometimes spots called ‘Break Sights’ appear if the requirements are met, which when shot, inflicts obscene amounts of damage.

<p class="MsoNormal">Nana’s Attraction is a dangerous yet helpful ability. She releases potent pheromones that call the Aragami to her – we found it has a range of 500 meters. It’s dangerous in a sense that being overwhelmed is a likely thing to occur, but she was the strongest out of us, and has proven to be a very capable fighter worthy of her promotion. Besides, she never goes out on missions without us, so we needn’t worry, and the ability only activates when in combat. I assume it’s also a subconscious ability, but I rather not poke unnecessarily.

<p class="MsoNormal">Following these events – just a month after, really – is Gil’s own Awakening.

<p class="MsoNormal">I had already knew by that time of why Gilbert was so reluctant to speak to Makabe-san, even when the man says they were teammates – close ones too, if the endearment was being passed around by Makabe-san on a frequent basis - on their former three-man squad back in Glasgow. No one appeared to introduce as their third member, so I assumed something happened.

<p class="MsoNormal">And I was right.

<p class="MsoNormal">Gil came clean to me, admitting to me he can’t face Makabe-san for killing Kate Lowry, killing their Squad Leader, for killing Makabe-san’s fiancée. He admitted that he’d done it because of duty, and of course to fulfill Miss Kate’s wish, but he cannot face his former teammate and friend. Not when Gil had plunge his weapon into Miss Kate’s heart to stop her from transforming when she got Infected.

<p class="MsoNormal">I pitied him for having to go through that. It was something that really messes up your mind, eats you up inside until you can’t take it anymore and break under the pressure. Some take time to recover, but some just don’t.

<p class="MsoNormal">Gil was the latter.

<p class="MsoNormal">So when sightings of a red, draconic Aragami, Gil decided to confront his ghost. He took his God Arc with him, and illegally accepted the mission. The idiot.

<p class="MsoNormal">But I understand why he had to do this, so I had woken up Hiro and Makabe-san. I told them where Gil was headed. They asked me why I didn’t go myself. Shouldn’t be that obvious, I wondered to myself. If I was there, he’ll use me as a crutch, just as I’ve used him all those years ago. He’ll let go, but he’ll only let go without me.

<p class="MsoNormal">They came back, battered, but better. The shadow in Gil’s eyes was gone, and I was glad for that. Immensely glad.

<p class="MsoNormal">His ‘Imbue’ ability was akin to Julius’, though instead of affecting our God Arcs, it affects our physical abilities, makings us far stronger, even enough to rival that of Soma’s. If all of us gangs up on him, that is.

<p class="MsoNormal">Speaking of Soma, he and Alisa have been called back by their Squad. They’ve gotten a lead on where the Kyuubi is, and their presence was required, as they’ll be needing all the firepower they could get. Cradle couldn’t request a back up, as no one else – maybe Blood, but we’re too inexperienced to deal with something like that anyways – but them can stand up to the Kyuubi. They’ve left to rejoin their Squad a couple of weeks after the camping mission, and they’ve yet to contact us.

<p class="MsoNormal">But back to Blood, it seems that only Romeo and I are the only ones yet to Awaken. I’m not bothered, as I have my hands full of whipping the others into shape with their Soldiers – they’ve yet to beat me in combat – advancing in my side project with Gil and Licca, involving a development in a new type of weapon models, and of course, assisting Leah and Miss Rachel with the God Arc Soldiers as best as I could.

<p class="MsoNormal">Romeo-senpai is a different case though.

<p class="MsoNormal">I had noticed him being snappish – being downright hostile once, even – for some time, though thankfully, he admitted to Hiro and Julius about what he feels. Apparently, he was jealous and feeling absolutely inferior to the rest of us. I had pointed out I didn’t even have my Power of Blood, and he countered me that I was already the fastest Blood member, and the still uncontested Pilot amongst Blood.

<p class="MsoNormal">Sad to say he had a point.

<p class="MsoNormal">Good thing Romeo-senpai had really close bonds with Hiro and Nana, as they’ve managed to reassure him that Romeo-senpai isn’t just a God Eater, but their senpai and best friend. Crying abounded and a plethora of apologies were thrown back and forth. It was a bit disconcerting, but I was glad that Romeo-senpai was sensible enough to talk to us – them - before he’ll snap and run away.

<p class="MsoNormal">Well, I had a feeling he would run away if he snaps.

<p class="MsoNormal">But all these events happened in the past, peaceful 5 months.

<p class="MsoNormal">At the moment, dread and resignation was choking me. I knew this would happen sooner or later, but I hadn’t expected this to happen so soon. It’s hard to hide these kind of activities, considering they’re my squad mates. And for all my proficiency in stealth, this wasn’t something that can be covered up. But to think they’ve found out my dirtiest secret in under a year. Hah, I’m such a pathetic person.

<p class="MsoNormal">Their eyes were all on me, forcing me to back up against the wall in my room. Horror was in most, but one of them held pity and another grim understanding at the same time disappointment.

<p class="MsoNormal">I hate those. Every one of those, I hate it. Please, stop looking at me. Turn your stares on someone else- leave me alone, dammit.

<p class="MsoNormal">“R-ryuu-san… How could you…?” Hiro choked out, pale face full of horror. I met his eyes, and as I’ve expected, he looked away, unable to look at me.

<p class="MsoNormal">I can’t deny that hurt, but I guess I deserve that.

<p class="MsoNormal">Nana was crying in the back, crying into Romeo-senpai’s shoulder. He himself wasn’t looking at anything, but I could tell he was horrified. He didn’t want to be here, he was merely supporting Nana and Hiro, like a real senpai should.

<p class="MsoNormal">Alencon was nearly unreadable, but she wasn’t able to quite hide the understanding and the disappointment. I have to wonder what she was disappointed at me for. Perhaps that I shouldn’t have accepted in the first place? Probably. Most likely.

<p class="MsoNormal">Gil gave me the same look I gave him when he told me what happened with Miss Kate, though there was a bit of anger in it too. I couldn’t blame him.

<p class="MsoNormal">Julius… He was horrified, and near tears. He knew, as he should since he is my Captain, but I knew when I blatantly announced I do these kinds of things often, his conscience would get the best of him. Probably even break him. Contrary to popular belief, Julius is emotionally fragile, maybe the most fragile out of all of us. It took a lot out of him to turn a blind eye to my activities, and he probably blames himself for what was happening now.

<p class="MsoNormal">But I was merely a dog. A dog follows its Master’s orders, whether they like it or not. My freedom is false, as it was only given to me so I could carry out orders. I couldn’t fight back, as dogs never bite the hand that feeds them. It would be a poor way to show your gratitude, after all.

<p class="MsoNormal">Can’t they understand that? And I’m doing this for the sake of their safety. Can’t they see that? Are they blinded by their ‘self-righteousness’? They must’ve done something horrible at some point in their lives, due to having to protect something. I am the same, but they can’t see that.

<p class="MsoNormal">It hurts to know that they don’t.

<p class="MsoNormal">“I was ordered to.” I replied stonily, arms crossed over my chest. I kept my posture straight and my head held levelly. I was a bit conscious of my uncovered arms, as the skin of my left is damaged beyond Oracle Cell repair. The skin was dark and lacking in pores, and the shiny quality to it never fails to make me grimace in disgust.

<p class="MsoNormal">“You were ordered to?!” Hiro was getting furious. It was hard to rile up the boy, so this is the first time we were to witness such an event. “Ordered to?! You were fucking ordered to- to… k-kill a person, and you just fucking did?!”

<p class="MsoNormal">He spat the word ‘kill’ like it was taboo. Really, his naivety frustrates me. Can’t he – can’t they – see I did this for them? Had that Infected turned fully, killing it would be impossible, as the only way to end it permanently was to use the former human’s God Arc. And the chances of having the same Bias Factor to control the God Arc is slim to none.

<p class="MsoNormal">I have permission to use certain equipment for this task, but they don’t.

<p class="MsoNormal">“Yes, I was ordered and I carried it out.” I shouldn’t be casual about this, but it was a defense mechanism at this point. ‘Never let your emotions get the best of you’, as he would say. “Is it really that difficult to grasp?”

<p class="MsoNormal">I felt it before I could comprehend what was happening.

<p class="MsoNormal">Hiro slugged me across the jaw, the force managing to dislocate it slightly and send me crashing into my Terminal, where the machine sparked as I collided with it harshly. I absently noticed my elbow destroying the screen, but I was more concerned with my jaw, which I snapped back into place with a low hiss.

<p class="MsoNormal">That hurt. And obviously, his training with Julius is paying off.

<p class="MsoNormal">“You’re a poor excuse of a human, Izanami-san.” Back to last names, huh? “You once said you’re kinder than Aragami. I fucking disagree. You’re sick, immoral, and a liar. Congratulations on being the shittiest person alive.”

<p class="MsoNormal">With that said, he left my room, quickly followed by Romeo-senpai and Nana, who was looking at me with fear in her eyes.

<p class="MsoNormal">I just stood there, slumped tiredly against my trashed Terminal, staring at the wall across from me.

<p class="MsoNormal">Alencon left after saying something to Julius – I hadn’t even bothered to eavesdrop on them, as I was wont to do – and that left me, Gil and Julius and I in the room.

<p class="MsoNormal">Even then, I can feel they’re not here. Not anymore.

<p class="MsoNormal">“Feeling like punching me too?” I muttered dully, suddenly drained. “You can have a free shot. I don’t have any plans of moving, anyways.”

<p class="MsoNormal">Silence, then with a choked voice, Julius whispered ‘I’m so sorry’ before leaving himself.

<p class="MsoNormal">I heaved a great sigh. I can’t do anything for the others, but I have to talk to Julius. He’ll break, otherwise. And I can’t let that happen. He’s the Captain, and if the head falls, so does the rest of the body. I’m merely a hand, so I was disposable and replaceable.

<p class="MsoNormal">I have no problems with that, honestly.

<p class="MsoNormal">I patiently waited for Gil to leave, but to my eternal disappointment and relief, he didn’t. He closed the door, before lying down on my bed, silent. I want to tell him not to mess up my bed as I’ve woken up just earlier, but I didn’t have the strength.

<p class="MsoNormal">I sat on the floor, elbow resting on my knees as I looked up at the ceiling.

<p class="MsoNormal">I’m not a clean freak, but somehow the dust motes are pissing me off big time. I wonder why? Though I do admit beaming light at them in a dim room and seeing them float around is amu-

<p class="MsoNormal">“Why did you do it?” My thoughts were interrupted by Gil’s flat, empty voice. He was trying not to scream at me, even though I deserve it. He really is too kind.

<p class="MsoNormal">“Because no one else is fit for the job.” I replied honestly.

<p class="MsoNormal">It was true.

<p class="MsoNormal">Leah pleads with me every day to see a psychologist and undergo intense therapy. Every day, I tell her I’m fine, and really, I am. I’ve yet to lose my control, as I have mastered it, but yet she doesn’t believe me. I understand that she’s concerned, but I don’t want it. If I get therapy, that would change me, and no one would be able to do what I’m capable of.

<p class="MsoNormal">No one would have the ability to completely set aside their emotions and morals, unlike me.

<p class="MsoNormal">I’ve never let myself be overridden by emotions, moreso when on missions. I’ve separated it from myself, and thus, I was safe from it. It took years, but it paid off.

<p class="MsoNormal">Or backfired, more like.

<p class="MsoNormal">My lack of emotional attachment and skewed morals is the precise reason why Graemethrower handpicked me to be the ‘helper’ in assisted suicides, or to take down a God Eater who’s already lost to Aragami Infection.

<p class="MsoNormal">I feel pity and remorse when I look at those people I have to put an end to, but as I’ve said, death should not shackle you to the past. It was better that I actually get to them before they’re completely overtaken; as death comes quickly and painlessly when it comes by my hand, and I could give their families their last messages, and a proof they’ve been alive. That they’ve died as humans, and not as starving uniformed cells.

<p class="MsoNormal">It was the least I could do, after all.

<p class="MsoNormal">“So you willingly killed those people?” His voice was still apathetic, but there was desperation in there now, like he wanted me to laugh and say this was merely one, huge troll on all of them. That I was simply pulling their leg, albeit in a horrible manner. I can see where he’s getting at.

<p class="MsoNormal">I was notorious for my scathing remarks, mean pranks, and total lack of concern if I was hurting a person or not. But, no, I’m not joking.

<p class="MsoNormal">Everything is true.

<p class="MsoNormal">“Yes, but if it’s any comfort, I did it quick and painless, and I carry their last messages.” I replied back, seriously getting tired even if I’ve just woken earlier. “I did this to let them die human, and to protect you guys… I apologize for sacrificing my ‘morality’ in order to keep your hands clean and perfect.” I’m not bitter at them, really, but I can’t help feel the hurt that I felt when they apparently can’t see things my way.

<p class="MsoNormal">Gil didn’t answer, but it was okay, since I wasn’t expecting him to.

<p class="MsoNormal">But he did get up from the bed, and to my confusion, he sat down beside me, squeezing into the tight space since the railings of the Terminal was to my left. We fit though, for some reason, and with a sigh, he slung an arm over my shoulder, trapping me to his side.

<p class="MsoNormal">This was familiar, I remember Uncle-

<p class="MsoNormal">“You shouldn’t have done that…” He sighed out. I look at him. “You’re too young, but you’re already shouldering these kind of things. You shouldn’t….”

<p class="MsoNormal">“I know.” I replied quietly. Can’t they let this go? “I know, but I did anyways. Someone has to.”

<p class="MsoNormal">I leaned back against Gil’s arm, and like when we were children, fell into a light – but uncomfortable - sleep.

<p class="MsoNormal">There are times when I wish I never wake up.

<p class="MsoNormal">--

<p class="MsoNormal">Woo, first chapter of Arc 2 and this kind of stuff already??! DAMN! I’m expecting Fall to Pieces to be short (10 chapters, maybe, but with things never really going my way, we’ll just have to wait and see) so I have to do ‘Timeskip no Jutsu’. I hope you don’t mind xD

<p class="MsoNormal">Ryuuka is an interesting write… maybe because he’s my OC, but the morally-lacking, mentally conflicting, physically scarred, emotionally trapped fleshbag that is Ryuuka is something I’ve never tried before. Let’s hope I get this right!

<p class="MsoNormal">@Bal-san: THIS is what I was nervous about xD